Random happenings...

Yet again those tiny little side conversations rear their ugly heads and remind me of what I am not able to attain.  Not to mention, followed by remarks that are really not funny and downright rude--"What is he shooting blanks?"  "No swimmers in the tank?" but of course I serve it up with, it's not his issue, "it's mine".  Then it goes on to the somber look with an apologetic remark!   When really, they should be climbing back into the hole they crawled out of!  I don't understand why people think it's okay to trot all over this topic and then prance backward when the response proves to be uncomfortable.  So, my advice to others is simple--"Don't go there if you're not prepared to receive an honest answer!"

I have over time danced around the topic, even backed away from it but lately, my tune is changing and I'm more confident than ever to simply stare the person down and tell them the truth.  It's my truth and I'm not afraid to say it, share it and shut them up.  After all, they wanted to go there so why not complete the ride for them.  I look at it this way, it minimizes the next time they feel the urge to ask such a personal question, right?!  It also affords me the opportunity to educate the ignorant and walk in stride with others that are experiencing the same struggle.  I am not ashamed nor will I ever be...I will admit that I am at times frustrated, disheartened by it but never feeling any less of a woman!

While we begin our summer of family gatherings and conversations abuzz, I will not back down from responding to the ignorant.  I challenge others in partaking the same stance and educating those that are unaware of infertility and its causes.  You never know who may be in your midst and what opportunities may present themselves.  So, onward and upward is the only way to go!

I never thought...

Today is Mother's Day and for some reason I have this overwhelming feeling of emotions that I didn't know existed until now.  I never thought the coveted title of "Mother" would be so hard to obtain and celebrate (well in my case, not celebrate).  While it has been a difficult road I never thought I would be the star of my very own pity party!  This totally sucks! 

Although, I am always the person full of cheer and excitement everytime I hear the announcement of another baby on the way; today's start has proven to be a struggle.  It's been a day to reflect that the time for the coveted title has not come for me yet.  Yet being the opportune word.  As I continue to remain hopeful, I am just feeling at a loss today, so empty, so empty. 

So with these feelings, I turn to my favorite prayer to get through the day and hope in sharing it with others that it provides the same level of comfort it does for me to you, especially on a day like today.  My wish for those ladies experiencing the same kind of emptiness is to celebrate your own special kind of day on this Mother's Day.  For all of you Mommies desiring, dreaming and hoping to one day be that special someone to that little someone I leave you in this special prayer...

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.