Two days post participation of my very first ever Women's Support Group (WSG) and I didn't realize how it would affect me. Since WSG, I've played over and over in my mind, the stories shared, the tears shed and the hope that lives on. I also didn't expect to find myself in such a vulnerable state. I was ready to share my thoughts but not my tears that totally caught me off guard. Who'd a thunk it?! Not me! I thought I was at a place of acceptance and I certainly still had some lingering baggage. The moment the focus turned on me, I had a heavy burden lodged deep in my throat that left me speechless. So, I chose the easy route at that very moment and screeched, "Can we come back to me?"
As hard as it was, when my turn came back moments later, I had no choice but to share my trials and tribulations amidst the watershed. I muttered it's been five years now...just taking that in is really heavy. I try not to go there too much because I find ways of beating myself up over what I could have done or should have done but now all that's in the past. I found myself fetching for words and moments in time that appeared so long ago yet they were just deeply buried. As I uncovered each layer of what happened with the failed cycle, I felt a little less burden. The weight was being lifted off my chest. I have to admit there were moments that I was reliving sadness and anger over but in the end, I know this will help me so I will continue sharing here and with the WSG.
So, as I continue to navigate through my journey that remains an unknown, I leave hoping that divine intervention will sweep me off my feet one day and bring the joys only a little bundle can bring. It all still feels so surreal but that kinship of bonding over such triumph and tragedy has never felt better yet never been so stranger.
